2023, Term 4, Edition 16 - Student Support Services

Understanding your Child’s Basic Psychological Needs

According to Self-determination Theory, all of us have three basic psychological needs:

Relatedness/Belonging: Meaningful and satisfying connections to other people.
Autonomy: The ability to decide for ourselves what we do, without being overly controlled by others.
Competence: Feeling like we’re good at what we do and able to put our talents to use.

Countless studies have shown that the better these needs are met, the more life satisfaction we will experience. For example, high satisfaction of our psychological needs is linked to lower shame, depression and loneliness.

(Image by Dr Hayley Lewis @Haypsych https://twitter.com/Haypsych/status/1532723823409233921)

I believe it is our job as parents to consider how we can support our children in each of these domains. Below are some ideas to consider:

Relatedness/Belonging

Make time each day to give your child your FULL attention (yes, put down that phone!).
Consider scheduling regular 1:1 time with each parent, engaging in a specific activity together that your child enjoys doing.
Extended family and family friends can strengthen your child’s sense of belonging.
Invite friends from school over, in order to strengthen your child’s connections at school.
Have your child join a club or activity outside of school.
Being familiar and friendly with people in the neighbourhood can help your child feel that it is a safe and friendly place where they belong

Autonomy

Provide your child with choices.
Listen to and respect your child’s opinions.
Develop afternoon and evening routines with your child’s input.
Provide your child with some responsibilities or household chores that they would prefer doing at home.
Provide encouragement, e.g. “You can do it!”
Avoid doing everything for them or jumping in too soon when they find something difficult. (However, always be there for them when they really need it.)
Be patient and positive when they make mistakes. Mistakes are a wonderful opportunity for learning to take place.

Competence

Find, prioritize and celebrate areas in which your child experiences a sense of competence, whether it is on the sports field, participating in martial arts, painting or cooking.
Encourage your child to take part in things they have not tried before.
Praise your child’s efforts, rather than their achievements or the end results.
Model positive self-talk, and normalize and encourage making mistakes.
Do NOT compare siblings with each other!

Until next time,

Marisa Smit

CGS Psychologist

Understanding your Child’s Basic Psychological Needs

According to Self-determination Theory, all of us have three basic psychological needs:

Relatedness/Belonging: Meaningful and satisfying connections to other people.

Autonomy: The ability to decide for ourselves what we do, without being overly controlled by others.

Competence: Feeling like we’re good at what we do and able to put our talents to use.

I believe it is our job as parents to consider how we can support our children in each of these domains. Below are some ideas to consider:

Relatedness/Belonging

Make time each day to give your child your FULL attention (yes, put down that phone!).

Consider scheduling regular 1:1 time with each parent, engaging in a specific activity together that your child enjoys doing.

Extended family and family friends can strengthen your child’s sense of belonging.

Invite friends from school over, in order to strengthen your child’s connections at school.

Have your child join a club or activity outside of school.

Being familiar and friendly with people in the neighbourhood can help your child feel that it is a safe and friendly place where they belong

Autonomy

Provide your child with choices.

Listen to and respect your child’s opinions.

Develop afternoon and evening routines with your child’s input.

Provide your child with some responsibilities or household chores that they would prefer doing at home.

Provide encouragement, e.g. “You can do it!”

Avoid doing everything for them or jumping in too soon when they find something difficult. (However, always be there for them when they really need it.)

Be patient and positive when they make mistakes. Mistakes are a wonderful opportunity for learning to take place.

Competence

Find, prioritize and celebrate areas in which your child experiences a sense of competence, whether it is on the sports field, participating in martial arts, painting or cooking.

Encourage your child to take part in things they have not tried before.

Praise your child’s efforts, rather than their achievements or the end results.

Model positive self-talk, and normalize and encourage making mistakes.

Do NOT compare siblings with each other!

Until next time,

Marisa Smit

CGS Psychologist